The only thing stopping me

The air smelled potent of fresh flesh rotting. Only so much of my lavender diffusers
could conceal the deathly fragrance. After my dream about the hatchet, a trend was
continuing… just yesterday I saw two dead squirrels on the road. It was time.

Jake had left for work early this morning so I gathered Maria and the kids. We packed
up everything in sight, not wanting to miss any of my Louis Vuitton sunglasses, in the
liquor store boxes Maria fetched for us.

“Kids, we’re going home!” I exclaimed, however, I saw frowns turn on their face.

“Which plane is picking us up?”

For the first time in my life, I hesitated, not because I didn’t know, but because I was ashamed…

“Not this time honey.”

I couldn’t even tell you where the nearest airport was, nevertheless a private jet company.

When Maria finally finished securing the rest of my clothes in protectant bags and hanging
them up in Jake’s SUV Porsche (who knows how he got to ‘work’ this morning), the kids and
I said our last goodbyes to the apartment I somehow lived in for the last few months. The
hydrangeas were still dying on the balcony, the painting Jamie created was still hanging, and
there was still a pair of Toms in the guest room closest Jake had been sleeping in.

I kissed Maria on her cheek goodbye, the kids followed, and I began driving down the parking
garage. This was it… I was finally escaping with nothing stopping me. All that was left between
me and the Hamptons was the 867 miles ahead of us.

Just as were we driving past the exit of the city lines, the potent deadly smell intensified.
And I saw why.

I Can't See You

I calmed down from my hectic day with an intense yoga workout in my living room, following directions from the yoga app on my Apple TV. I prefer to not go into yoga studios because I heard they don't wipe down their mat. Yuck. And not to mention that the Maitland doesn't have one, anyways. I popped a melatonin pill, downing it with my lavender tea. Finally, I could slip into bed. Before clearing my vision with my beloved lavender eye mask I acknowledge I was once again in the bed alone. I had made Jake sleep in the guest room a few weeks back, but I was starting to feel lonesome. As I dozed away into my RIM cycle I could only hear the intense wind slapping the apartment windows. That noise transferred into my dream...

Two men stood at the base of the apartment's crawlspace. They were identical, however, one twin had a hatchet in one hand and the other hand holding the tie of a red blindfold around the brother's eyes. The night was silent. Even the crickets had fallen asleep. The only noise was the hatchet slamming into the nearby dirt. The blindfolded brother shrieking at the top of his lungs, but it only made the slamming worse.  

My dream had startled me awake. I ripped off my eye mask, scared of the similarity it had to the blindfold in my dream. My gold alarm clock blinked 5:47 a.m., way too early to have woken up at. I couldn't stand it. Without hesitation, I tore off my comforter, sprinting into the guest room where Jake was peacefully snoring.

I woke once again, but not to a dream. This time it was to excited squeals of my children. All four of us stood on our balcony enamored by the beauty of our view. The leafless trees were weighted down by puffy white snow. The sun bounced off the snow's reflection and into my family's bright blue eyes. 

Change is Good

My favorite time of the year has always been spring. Back in New York, this is when perpetual cold weather began to warm up, the cherry blossom bloomed, and my seasonal depression would fade. However, I wasn't getting the same excitement as usual. Maybe because I was living in an eerie, foreign place, or that fact that my husband and I are not on the best terms.

I needed this new -hopefully short- chapter in my life to be as bright as possible. This morning I dressed in my cutest athleisure wear to attend a morning run with my new neighbor friend, Annabeth. We met a few days prior on the elevator and since I have decided to open up and be more positive, I scheduled a very casual, yet necessary obligatory bonding time so I could seek her out. She promptly knocked on the door at 6:30 am and greeted me with coffee and doughnuts. I liked her timeliness but I refuted the kind gestures because I had a doughnut a few days earlier.

Our run was better than expected, the view was pink, purple, and orange streaks across the sky as the sun rose. Normally I don't like to talk while exercising but I couldn't believe the things she was telling me. "I have something crucial regarding the Mr. Evans case." I was confused. She continued with, "I have possession of his autopsy and you'll never guess what's on it." I blankly responded with a "what." "Old scars on his back, and lots of them. I think that's... you know... how it happened."

Annabeth rambled on and on about Mr. Evans. For all I know she could be talking about her dad? Teacher? Old high school crush? I decided it would be best for me to let her get it all out as I awed at the sky's beauty. When the sun completely lit the sky, I knew this spring may not be like others, but it'll be a good one.

It was a sign

     Another thing about this town I hate is they are so behind the rest of the world. Like seriously, why do I still get daily newspaper delivered to me in black and white?? Anyways, I need to be more positive and except the energy the world is giving me. That's what my girlfriend from the Hamptons told me over the phone last night at least. My first step was giving a quick smile to the neighbor as we rode the elevator down. In response to my smile she said, "Hi, I'm Annabeth! I haven't seen you around here, you must have just moved here or something?" Before I replied, as we were walking out the front door, I promptly evaluated her and approved because of the cute top she was wearing. "Relatively! We came down from the Hamptons a few months ago... we definitely aren't in New York anymore especially with fog like this." The fog was so blinding I felt as if I needed to swat my way to see the sidewalk ahead of me. However, I took the fog as a sign that my intentions for today needed to clearly be set, and that interaction with Annabeth was a really good start.

     I found myself walking into the doughnut shop and ordering a blueberry sprinkled doughnut with an iced vanilla macchiato. I received my high-in-fat food, picked up the same newspaper that got delivered to my door this morning and began to read. God, I thought, I haven't even stepped foot in a doughnut shop for years, or willingly read the news. It felt refreshing. Reverting to my old self who would converse with strangers and didn't care if my breakfast had more than 6 grams of fat. As I read further into the paper I realized the date said "February 11, 2013." Shortly, a millennial sat next to me with one hand carrying a chocolate doughnut and the other an unlit cigarette. I swiveled around asking "Is this a typo?" Pointing to the date. So badly, I wanted to say who on Earth could mistake now for 2013 because that's when Dolce and Gabbana were sentenced to jail. Yuck. But... I didn't need to spread negative energy in the universe.

     The guy, Nik laughed responding "Geez, I guess that goes to show our education system here." We began chatting and it was the nicest thing since when I used to eat doughnuts and macchiatos in the morning. My past self was beginning to emerge in the midst of my life renewal project.

Anxiety

     That night didn't go exactly as planned. I was hoping Jake would come home to see our beautiful new family portrait and be astonished to see himself missing from the craft. However, he had yet to come home, even by the last commercial break of The Bachelor. I could feel my anxiety kicking in full gear, my palms sweating, mind jumping to a million conclusions, and feet urging to move from the freshly stained red oak hardwood floors. Right after Maria helped hang the painting she went to where ever she goes when she's not working for me. Probably walking home to her boyfriend who patiently awaits her, and doesn't go to dinner with nasty middle-aged women on his downtime. I let her off early today so she wouldn't witness Jakes's reaction to my vengeance. However now that I realized he was probably with the Ms. Toms lady, I wanted Maria back in my presence, although I hate to admit it.

     After shuffling through every drawer in my oversized bathroom, I failed to find my prescription Alprazolam, commonly known as Xanax. My heart rate was higher than when my daughter accidentally took my medicine thinking it was a lemon Sweet Tart last month. Oh my god, I remembered that she had taken my last pill. Feeling confined, I walked onto the little balcony with the dying blue hydrangeas. I began to open my mouth to let out a scream (very unladylike, I know) until a shimmer across the clear, black shy caught my eye. Before it was out of sight, I quickly searched my brain for any drop of clarity I could find. Instead of letting out a scream, I calmly said "I want a transformation"

     Oh and let me tell you, a transformation came.

Backstab

I haven't been this mad since Coco Chanel didn't release her annual perfume winter collection two years ago. And now my husband Jake was CHEATING on me with some middle-aged, tom wearing, diner eating lady. The fact that this woman is probably originally from this town is saying something in itself. The only way I can wrap my head around this is by showing him we don't need him. I wouldn't call myself a huge art fan, but last year when I got a bust of Charlie, my passed King Charles Spaniel, I was impressed. Maria referred me to the best artist in town, Jamie Lewis. I promptly called him and received a visit four days later.

I wrapped my fur coat around my shoulders and I scurried to the answer the knock on the door. There stood a stocky man proudly holding a magnificent oil pastel painting. I gleamed with excitement until he asked, "how do you like it? I really made sure to exemplify your eyes, as you asked." I was in awe, Jamie held a beautiful 48x60in canvas of myself next to my two kids. The scene was inspired from a photo Jake took of the three of us on the beach in the Hamptons on a sunny July day. There was a huge pelican behind us in our all-white outfits.

I motioned for Jamie to come inside, pointing to the open wall ready for the painting to be displayed. Jamie and Maria began hanging the picture as I prepared gluten-free cookies for them, and a glass of champagne for myself. After they had finished we stood back, examining the newest addition that this apartment desperately needed. I couldn't wait for Jake to come home tonight to see himself missing from the huge family photo. I'm hoping it'll feel like a stab in the gut because what goes around comes around.

Toms

     Another dreary day, but I had to get out of the apartment. Being confined to a 1,500 sq. foot box all day besides my shopping outings gets tiring. The kids probably need it too. I can't imagine what it must be like for them to move to such a horrid place like this in the middle of their schooling. The kids and I told Maria we would be back in a few and to put clean sheets on my bed. We strolled down Magnolia Drive, getting turned around a few times until we reached Alice's diner. After all, I haven't stepped foot in this town besides getting in and out of my car to go to the larger neighboring cities. Goddamnit, I thought, why couldn't have Jake been relocated to one of those cities, at least they have a Whole Foods for Christ sake.

     I held the door open for the kids as we walked into the diner. The first thing I noticed was the torn up leather booths, dusty checkered floors and ketchup squeeze bottles on the table. Like if you want to be vintage try something a little more original. We were seated next to a round booth with the oddest group of people. They wouldn't stop whispering and tilting their heads low to talk, I could hear them smacking their french fries over their conversations. Someone obviously didn't grow up going to cotillion.

     I left the kids to order me an iced water with lemon as I went to freshen up at the restroom. In the far left corner, I see Jake... at a metal table, with some lady... wearing Toms. You have to be kidding me. I don't even let my daughter wear Toms, and she's 10.  Confused, I walk over to the table, grazing over my husband, and reaching out to hand to this lady. "Oh, how wonderful! I see Jake is making new friends in town, isn't that great!" I sarcastically snark. "Amanda this is Suzy..." Jake begins to say until I interrupt him to fakely compliment Suzy's shoes. She thanks me as I swirl around in my Prada stilettos. I grab the kids and we storm out of the diner that wrenches of rotten potatoes and middle-aged women wearing awkward middle schooler shoes.